There has been some great
#writetip advice circling my writey twitter feed lately. Those that have
captured my attention have been focused on words to avoid in writing. A fantastic
blog post by Aimee Salter on "I
Shall Not Write "I Heard..." was one. It was a nudge to
get rid of all those nasty telling words that crop up, even when we are
avoiding them. I try to squish any sneaky ones in the editing phase, but
reminders help. However, there are a few other tricky little words I have not
seen mentioned. These words sneak in everywhere, and suck power out of our
writing.
If you are familiar with Margie Lawson self editing courses you
will know a few. Today's word is as.
What's wrong with as you ask? Well it
depends how you use it.
When as connotes
likeness it is welcome.
Think famous examples.
"Skin as
white as snow"
"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
See? Sounds pretty, appealing? Causes a mental link to add
emphasis, and creates metaphor. Nothing
wrong with that.
But take this example;
"I lunged for the gun as the figure darted towards me"
What is this as
doing? It is not indicating likeness... It is indicating a stimulus-response reversal.
Oh no, kill it now! It is invading your work to eat your
power.
Stimulus-response reversal we do it, but why? There is no
reason to reverse the order of events, so don't.
"The figure darted towards me. I lunged for the gun."
See, the events are in order. It has more power, more
suspense.
What about this example?
"Sally gazed into Sam's eyes as he ran his fingers
through her hair."
What is the purpose of this sneaky as?
This as represents
simultaneity. I admit I am guilty of this, but... it's unnecessary. It dilutes intensity. See how much better it
is without it.
"Sally gazed into Sam's eyes. He ran his fingers
through her hair."
Make your writing compelling writing. Nix those useless as!
Now excuse me, I need to Ctrl F my MS for all
"as".
My writer's joke today is inspired by @XchylerPublish
who sent
me this tweet "Let
the words flow, as the voices in your head have foretold them to be!" Ahh if I were anyone but a writer, that
would make me seem all-so insane. That is the very theme of my funnies. Why
writers look mental...
Why others must think
writers are crazy no.4
The silence of a long car trip/train ride is frequently
broken by my giggling, then laughing, then clutching my belly and becoming hysterical.
No not from the radio, or from a text message, or a funny tweet, but from
"the voices" (characters), in my head. Yes, I get strange looks.
