What they don't tell you about Queries.

Lately I have been drowning in queries. Writing them myself, critiquing friends, learning more about what makes one great. I thought I knew, but it wasn't until recently that I learnt the trick to it. Thanks largely to the lovely Rachel Pudelek who helped me see the way.

You see my query strategy is very conservative. I don't do query bombardment and send out a hundred queries and see what comes back. I send three - five to agents I have carefully chosen. Why? Because if I don't get a request or requests I know something is wrong and want a chance to improve before I send to more agents. Also if I get feedback I want to implement that and try again. If I query all the agents at once, I just can't do that. But it means that when I'm fishing in such a small pool, I have to make sure my query really stands up.

With everything on the Internet about queries (never start with a question, never compare to bestsellers, never write a query from the POV of your character, don't tell agents how great your book is or how much your mum loves it, open with a hook, FOLLOW SUBMISSION GUIDELINES) I noticed that there is something I don't see addressed properly. The few things that make an acceptable query (but one that probably won't get requested) into a totally banging one. 

It's all about voice and being direct. Most people don't want to give everything away because they don't want the query to be a spoiler. They want to there book to remain mysterious. Most people use terms like chaos, hidden magical word, extraordinary destiny, challenge, mysterious powers, conflict, but they mean nothing without context.

Forget it. Be explicit! Agents and editors want to know what your book is about. It's your job to tell them and pitch it in a way that showcases your voice and grabs their attention. You can end with a question but be sure the rest of your query lays it all out. For me the hardest part is the pitching. I have some examples to help with that. Seeing a before and after is what made it click for me.

So here are some examples of query synopsis open lines and how they can be improved.

Vague reads like;

"When Sarah realises the man she has been dating for six months is not the man he says he is, it threatens to break them apart."

BECOMES

Direct and voicey;

"When Sarah discovers her mild mannered boyfriend is actually an ass-kicking super spy, everyday problems like whose turn it is to wash up get traded for more practical matters; like staying alive."

OR

Vague reads like;

"When sixteen year old Alexandra finds out she is not human she must fight her strange new urges."

BECOMES

Direct and voicey;

"Finding out she's a blood guzzling vampire is a real downer for sixteen year old Alexandra. She would really prefer not to drink her cute new boyfriend to death."

In each instance we have traded vague terms for direct ones and injected attitude. Now sit down with your query and swap all those meaningless phrases for ones dripping with voice and purpose!

Hope this helps. Got any query tips?