Friday 18 January 2013

My Agent Speed date entry

Hi all,

Today I'm asking for some help. Tomorrow I am putting forward my entry to the Cupids Literary Connection Blind Speed-dating contest. I would love any feedback that you would be prepared to offer! Thank you!
I just noticed how wonky the formatting I showing up on blogger! Not sure why, will try and fix when I get home...

Title: A BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Word Count: 90,000

Query

A captive girl learns to see the prince inside the beast in A BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE; a figurative and contemporary retelling of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.

Angelina is an expert at keeping her demons hidden. With high school behind her, Angelina is looking to the work force to fill her urgent need to keep busy. Her plans are derailed when she meets enthralling and exotic older man Haithem before a critical job interview. Haithem's passionate intensity sends Angelina running.  What she doesn't expect is for him to find her.

Angelina is still deeply in denial over the death of her twin brother to Leukaemia. While she longs for freedom from the smothering affections of her grief stricken family, she is bound to them by guilt and sorrow. When Angelina is mistakenly abducted by Haithem's employee, she is thrown into a perilous environment she does not understand.  To protect Angelina's life Haithem must do the one thing that will destroy her; keep her forever.

Concern for her family is just the beginning of Angelina's nightmare. The close confines of Haithem's yacht hold no distractions for her troubled mind. Angelina's walls crumble and she forced to face all she has buried. Through it all, it is the monster that holds her captive who is the only person to ever see through her defenses  For the first time Angelina discovers true compassion and understanding. Haithem's beastly facade cannot disguise the beauty that Angelina senses beneath.

Seeking to relieve her torment, Haithem gives Angelina one chance to contact her family and put their minds at ease. In exchange Angelina must give Haithem her parole. But when opportunity arises Angelina must decide what she is really prepared to sacrifice for love...

First 250

The fabric of my skirt suit felt damp against my skin. Sweaty armpits were something I would rather do without forty-five minutes before a job interview.

Just concentrate Angelina!

I slid the jacket from my shoulders and draped it over the back of the cafe chair. The laptop sat open on the table taunting me with its interview questions. I took a breath attempting to focus on what I was there for, and not the gossiping mothers in front of me, or the sweet, rich air that promised yet more coffee and maybe even a pastry... I shook my head slightly and focused.

What are my weaknesses?

The air puffed back out of my lips and I tapped my finger on the mouse pad. China clinked on glass. I looked up in time to see the waitress turn around after dumping my overfilled Cappuccino on the tabletop. Brown foam oozed over the full rim. With a sigh I picked up the messy coffee, and inhaled deeply savoring that perfect first sip smell.

My gaze drifted from the cup of steaming goodness in my hands. Huge dark brown eyes collided with mine. I blinked. They did not move on. They did not look past me. If anything they focused in, like a hook sinking in to me tugging at me gently like a fish. His large body straightened, turning ever so slightly towards me. Breath rushed from my chest. People moved around him, but he stood firm. 

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